How can I ask my fiance to sign a pre-nup?

As many New Yorkers planning to marry are sure to understand, bringing up the "D" word prior to the wedding really ruins the mood. However, signing a prenuptial agreement means all contingencies must be considered.

One author, mediator and divorce court judge offers a few tips for couples to have the necessary delicate conversation without breaking up.

-- Make sure it's a conversation and not an ultimatum. Nobody likes to be faced with demands. Make it a discussion in terms of a request instead.

-- Remain calm and don't try to reason with your partner if he or she gets angry.

-- Be honest about your fears and why a prenup is important to you. Explain that you need to remain financially independent or don't want to feel taken advantage of financially.

-- Listen fully to your partner and address his or her concerns. Remember that closed-off body language can counteract your words.

-- Be prepared to postpone the discussion if it becomes obvious it is headed in a negative direction. But end it by agreeing to resume it later after tempers have cooled.

For some couples, a prenup is expected and no hassle at all. With others, it may remain a hot-button issue. Sometimes, the best way to hash out the matter is by using a professional mediator who can assure that the atmosphere remains calm and doesn't devolve into a toxic scene that can doom a marriage before it even starts.

Once accord has been reached, both parties should have the document reviewed by their own attorney to make sure that both of their interests are fairly represented.

Source:, "How To Ask For A Prenup Without Causing A Breakup" Libby Kane, accessed Mar. 11, 2015

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